Sunday, February 20, 2005

What happens when we're right

The thing that worries me most about denial of global warming as a threat is what happens when the Gulf Stream shuts down and plunges England into a Siberian state. I have a bad feeling the environmentalists are gonna get the blame. Somehow. After all, they can start tsunamis, according to Michael Crichton. Hm. If we can make a tsunami, then surely we've also caused global warming so we could be correct. I can't wait for humanity to be fucked, but it's gonna piss me off when the whistleblowers get the blame. Fuck.

Saturday, February 12, 2005

Why gay people will eventually rule the world

I've been thinking about things, notably politics. I came to a conclusion about something: why Republicans hate gay people. It's abundantly clear. The right wind fuckwads are threatened by a superior force that, if united, would soon rule the earth. That's right. Homosexuality is the key to successful world domination. One is not distracted with trying to please someone with different hormones who acts in a completely alien manner all the time. That's big. Also, gay rugby clubs spawned the sport in America. Look no further than rugby players for people capable of ruling all humanity. Hell, Jesus was probably gay, so he'd throw in his lot. And last but not least, no one in history has ever fucked with the Spartans and emerged victorious or without serious wounds. And Spartans fostered a sexual relationship between males. This unity leads to a clear ability to fuckin' waste anyone, anytime, anywhere. So watch out, Bush. I hope to God you are killed by a gay man. And then may your family perish in horrible agony. But that's just for kicks.

Saturday, January 15, 2005

Jenny has a tumor

Yeah, so Jenny has a tumor. So apparently Jenny has been naturally selected against, and she should die. It's her time. Time to die and not to breed. Remember that, mother fuckers, and let her not have any offspring. If you have a tumor, nature says to die and not have kids. They will suck and die early, so don't even bother.

Jenny has a tumor

Wednesday, January 12, 2005

Who's Worse?

Some interesting things:
-Satan led a revolution against God
-God created a place of eternal torment for those who believe in free thinking
-Satan offered a hungry man some bread in the woods
-God lets us eat his son
-Satan has never really caused any trouble, if you think about
-God once had a whole plain put to the spear, just because they didn't worship him

Just think about it.

A Missed Opportunity

If the North had won the Civil War, abolished slavery, and then let the South cecede, I think the world would be a much better place today. A little corner of shit couldn't amount to much but inbreeding, and I think we could sacrifice Florida. And if you had to go to college to vote, that would be nice, too. If the South wasn't part of the country, and only smart people voted, I think the number of people like Wubya in office would decrease drastically.

Republicans

Republicans are really pretty funny people. Somewher along the line, some douchebag decided that clinging desperately to the archaic idea that we're doing everything right and shouldn't change was a good way to run a country, and it stuck. So fucking future generations is the name of the game. Fuck the environment, too. And poor people. Fuck non-Christians and other countries. It's also amazing that John Kerry gets criticized for being a flip-flopper because he will actually revise an opinion when new information is presented that indicates his previous position is not the correct one. Well, Kerry, you're a fucking moron. Even though more and more data points to global warming, obviously we shouldn't do anything. It's not really a problem. After all, Michael Chrichton said so and God wouldn't let that happen, anyway. And by the way, you fucking pussy, damn you for getting wounded in service for your country and not farting around in Texas in the National Guard.

Thursday, January 06, 2005

Jellyfish

Anyone who witnessed the ocean mile in Ft. Lauderdale this year saw what jellyfish do. As Preacher Mark Glineburg pointed out, there are Portugese Men 'o War in there. Those fuckers hurt. I feel it might be useful to let people know how to be sure you've been stung. If you get out of the water and are in the worst fucking pain of your life and cannot think or even focus your eyes, you have been stung. If you have a slight redness on your chest and are crying, you are a fucking wuss. And if you're not dead, turn in your God damn stick. Seriously, you will fucking KNOW when you've been stung. Running into seaweed is a poor substitute for getting your ass kicked by a colonial mother fucker.

New blog

This is my blog. Similar to and inspired by that of Joe and Ben. Just so anyone stupid enough to read this knows, I fucking hate almost everyone until they give me a reason not to. Certain people are hated more and have to work harder to get un-hated; this includes Republicans, sprinters, and people who don't swear. That's fuckin' weak. So know this: if you are offended easily, stay away.